SHOW COMPASSION FOR YOUR INNER CRITIC
An ancient survival strategy designed to keep you safe.
We often find it easier to see good, value and beauty in others; to understand their challenges and acknowledge and celebrate their efforts at overcoming obstacles in their path. However, we battle to do the same for ourselves; we readily and easily beat up on and criticise ourselves, questioning why we are not more like others or meeting up to expected norms.
Our inner critic is limiting; a counterproductive and negative part of who we are and yet its voice is strong, firm and well heeded.
Why?
Research by evolutionary psychobiologists suggests that the inner critic is linked to the reptilian part of our brain; a primeval and powerful part of our survival strategy. Although not as rudimentary as the fight or flight strategy, designed to detect and prepare us to respond to immediate environmental danger, the self-critic has evolved out of this and detects danger in relation to ourselves and our group adherence compliance and acceptability.
Early humans developed a fight or flight strategy to keep them safe from animals who might eat or attack them. The self-critic evolved to keep us safe in our group, to ensure we remained “appealing” to those in our tribe, those upon who we depended for safety, companionship and acceptance. If we weren’t able to fulfill these requirements, we ran the risk of being expelled. Some biologists suggest that strategies ensuring survival within the group, compatibility, adherence to group expectations and the avoidance of expulsion, posed a greater evolutionary challenge than the development of the fight or flight strategy that ensured physical existence.
The inner critic is thus an old and powerful voice, although somewhat outdated, like its fight or flight counterpart, it still has a significant influence on everyday life.
How then do we deal with it?
Like all warning signals we need to listen, acknowledge and then allay the forewarning.
Understand the message
- When your inner critic starts questioning your actions or abilities or berating you for perceived shortcomings, be mindful of why, and what the message is you are supposed to be receiving.
- Is this a current warning related to something happening in your life now or is it a repeat/rework of an old one, linked to time passed when you had less understanding of the dynamics at play. Often the voice of the inner critic is linked to childhood experiences and mimics perceptions of ourselves based on what our parents said about us and how we perceived and internalised these.
Acknowledge the message
- The voice of the inner critic, as misguided as it is, really wants what’s best for you. It speaks not simply to criticise but to warn you of perceived danger. By understanding the message and being mindful of its relevance (current or past danger) you are able to concede to its function and give the inner critic the acknowledgment its evolutionary design and function requires.
Allay the forewarning
- Once you have comprehended the message and recognised it in the appropriate manner, you can honestly address its validity.
- By opening a frank dialogue with your inner critic you can assure it of how prepared and ready you are, or how well you have handled situations like the current one, despite the concern.
- Your “track record” is important here, use it to assure your inner critic that you are ready and able to tackle the challenge ahead.
- If it’s a new challenge you can acknowledge that dealing with it will be a learning experience and mistakes will be made, but that doesn’t amount to failure.
- If it’s a challenge you have faced before, you can settle your inner critic by assuring yourself, you will not deal with this one as you did in the past, but take the learning from the past setbacks to find a new solution.
- If it’s a challenge that you have had trouble overcoming before, you can admit it’s hard, admit you will try your best and if you don’t succeed you will seek guidance and advice and try again.
If the inner critic feels heard and acknowledged its work is done and it can retreat until a new threat to your person is detected.
If your inner critic is given appropriate acknowledgment and recognition it will learn to trust you and slowly grow quieter and less vocal.